Ten Guilty Pleasures

hellohanni:

Alright, here are ten things I’m mildly embarrassed to enjoy on a phenomenal level:

1. Cheese: No joke, I fucking love cheese. So much, it makes everything taste so much better. Me and my expanding waistline nom deh cheesez all day (when we can afford to)… It’s good with sweet OR savoury!

2. Facebook: It’s embarrassing but I love Facebook. I’m really picky about what I put up there, and I’m really anal about spelling and grammar (as if there were militarised Facebook Nazi’s or something) and have organised all my photos into appropriately names albums, with captions, and correct tags, and everyone is in a specific chat list and my family members have been listed. Facebook is so good cuz it lets the orderly Secretary deep within me out in a safe manner. Well, kinda safe anyway…
Oh and Facebook stalking is like, the best. (Especially when you want to laugh at exes and their new girlfriends. Or when you want to pretend to laugh at them but actually you gouge away at your soul cuz she’s SO AMAZING. Anyway!)

3. Drinking in the bath: I don’t really need to explain this, soaking in bath oils, bubble bath and hot water is so good when you’re drinking wine. This is for a few reasons, feeling warm, wet and drunk is a good combination; wine is delicious, even when cheap and awful, cuz let’s face it, it still has alcohol in it; finally, if you’re kind of steam-cooked from the bath temperature, then alcohol takes more effect on you, thus you don’t need to drink as much, which in turn saves you money. All I’m getting from all this is win/win/win.
Do it.

4. Spraying aerosol cream directly into my mouth. Cream. Mouth. Win combination, especially if you add these   ( . Y . )   I’m told. But it’s mainly only boys who tell me that, and what the hell do they know. 

5. Bad Movies: There is something in the tumultuous relationship between being angry at bad movies and enjoying bad movies, that I feel, that makes my secret pleasure in bad movies that much more compelling. I am pulled towards hating them and their lack of character, story line and theme development while simultaneously pulled towards loving them for being easy to watch and a good way to waste some time. Also yelling at movies for being bad is so much more fun than congratulating movies for being good, believe me, it’s a great way to de-stress and victimise something inanimate instead of the person/people that you’re really annoyed at. Haha. 
Try it out, and berate me with abuse if I’m wrong, obviously your first port of call should be: http://www.badmovies.org/

6. Black Music: Yes. I said ‘Black’, the PC Pirate in you has just died. Shut the fuck up.
Anyway. Ragtime, Jazz, Rhythm & Blues, Soul, Funk, Disco, Gospel, Motown sounds, Hip Hop, Rap, R&B, Urban music, Reggae, Ska, it all appeals to me. I think it’s the insistent beat, it makes me feel like a pimp, niggah *go on, brush my shoulder off* and it seems to speak straight into my soul. I’ll even listen to casual, watery, FOB-as Mai FM R&B songs if need be, as long as it’s got a bit of rhythm, I’m happy. 
It can range from golden oldies: Miles Davis, Coltrane to Louis Jordan, Ray Charles through to Marvin Gaye, Diana Ross, James Brown, Aretha Franklin, Michael Jackson, Stevie Wonder, Whitney Houston, Run DMC, Grandmaster Flash, Snoop Dogg, NWA, Ice Cube, Tupac, Jay-Z, Busta Rhymes, Beyonce Knowles, Lupe Fiasco, Nas, Fugees, Cypress Hill, Biggie, Dr. Dre, Wutang, TLC, Erykah Badu, Lil’ Wayne, Big Boi, Andre 3000, India Arie, Destiny’s Child, Ella Fitzgerald and Etta James… I could go on of course, but you get the picture. If you haven’t actually heard a song from any of these people, YOUTUBE THEM. NOW. 

7. Rewriting notes: Not even because I learn by rewriting things, but because I’m a control freak and I like to work at getting my notes looking EXACTLY right. Y’know, symmetrical, underlined in the same way, titled in the same way, pages in order and numbered and highlighting evenly dispersed. It actually ages me, somewhat, when I buckle down to ‘study’ and I just spend a day writing up notes that I ALREADY HAVE. OCD anyone?

8. Smoking.

9. Unicorns, and other such amazing mythical beasts: Unicorns are especially win for the following reasons:- They are horsies. Thus they are amazing.- They have wings. Thus are almost like fairies.- They have a phallic like structure on top of their heads. Win.- They are pwetty.- Basically across the board, they are regarded as good omens, they’re even believed to have healing abilities.

10. Stealing benign things from people and seeing how long they take to notice that it’s gone: All I’ll say is sometimes they never notice.

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